The Sensuality Lure, Balancing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex brings immense significance and consequences.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready too).

B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the chance to make love with someone we are attracted to very tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , link resulting in effective feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, love, closeness, and well-being .

But when issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They probably wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, says that numerous of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men particularly in metropolitan locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".

North includes, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow in time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with typical sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, worths, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!

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