The Intimacy Lure, Balancing Hormones and the Head

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate excellent sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, having sex carries enormous significance and consequences.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great too).

B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other individual might be a match on levels besides physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that like this makes the chance to have sex with someone we are drawn in to very difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , leading to powerful sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, closeness, love, and well-being .

When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, states that much of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys specifically in urban locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".

North includes, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a given that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow over time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with typical sense. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, values, and goals -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!

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